The Devil’s Turds

* Warning: This post discusses chocolate. I am not responsible for any cravings that occur. You have been warned.

Aero Bubbles Canada

These. These are what I like to call “The Devil’s Turds”. Why? Because they must be a product of Satan created in order to lure our waistlines further towards Hell (aka early death due to diabetes/obesity). They do this because they are so frickin delicious it’s unimaginable. I don’t even know why I like them. I am normally a pure, rich dark chocolate kind of girl… I love lots of clean brands like Giddy Yoyo, Endangered Species, Theobroma, and many other natural and good-for-you chocolate bars. Real food without the processed crap.

But these. Dear God. These. These overly processed, totally fake ingredient, corn syrup dynamite balls of anti-health… Okay, maybe we should back up a little bit. Let’s just say that I had a bad day. A really bad, terrible, awful, no-good, full of shit kind of day. I wanted to hit up the drive-thru at A&W (holllaaaa gurl), buy like 14 chocolate bars and call it a day. It helps that my fiance was out for the evening so that I could eat all those things without judgment. I mean, I know he loves me but still… can you really love anyone when they are shoving 14 chocolate bars, a delicious Teen Burger with mozzarella cheese, and a pan of brownies into their face-hole?

So. I bought these little turds. I thought about it for a few hours. Yes, hours. I had a nice and healthy dinner. I still wanted them. And damnit, it was a rough ass day. So I put on some pants (no small task after Leg Day) and high-tailed it to the grocery store to buy these turdettes, a box of tampons, and a copy of Wedding Bells magazine. Really embarrassing to wait in the checkout line with those. But you know what, I owned it. So what if I am gonna eat an entire bag of Satan’s bunny poop in one sitting and also happen to be PMSing and also happen to be stressing over planning an affordable wedding. SO WHAT, random fellow citizen standing behind me with your judgey eyes?!

YOLO, good sir, YOLO.

The point of this is to say… I don’t feel guilty for eating those dark balls of evil sorcery. I was craving them, I gave in, it tasted amazing, I regret nothing. Tomorrow is a new day for healthy eating and I have another killer arm workout planned for the AM. I had a bad day, and tomorrow I pick myself back up, dust myself off, and carry on. Living fit is a long journey, not a short race. Be kind to yourself along the way and forgive yourself.

But seriously… Satan’s turds, okay? Just remember that.

Advertisements